by Jyude A. Allbright
Jyude Allbright is an author, speaker, and spiritual counselor with
training as a teacher, healer, addictions counselor, Feng Shui consultant,
and NLP practitioner. Her book, Soul Steps...Power Stepping to Recovery
is available at amazon.com, Angel Light in Ft. Lauderdale and Leaping
Minds in Dania.
Q: I really love my girlfriend but don't like her young children.
I had trouble enough with my own. How much of myself should I invest in
A: Compliments to you! It is extraordinarily honest for you to admit
that you are capable of both love and dislike. Many would be afraid to
admit having a full range of feelings. Know also that all feelings are
okay and that they signal our beliefs. Could it be that you still carry
guilt for having trouble with your own children and feel you would automatically
have trouble with another's? Children are wonderful barometers - they
show us how we expect to be treated. Those expectations reflect beliefs
that we have in our unconscious mind oftentimes, things we learned incorrectly
as youngsters that are not in our conscious awareness. Angry children
act out and help us to not like them. They are reflecting back to us our
anger at ourselves. When we forgive ourselves for not being as perfect
as we think we need to be, we let go of our anger and others act in a
forgiving way to us. There are no "shoulds" about anything.
"Should" is a very shaming belief that says we must act in a
certain way. You have choices.